What if the film did not get cleared? The day of the censor board screening was another smoke-filled afternoon. I was nervous - what if we got an ‘A’ certificate? That would mean not being able to sell satellite rights of the film.
Those were the days when Section 377 was still a part of the Indian Penal Code, and the film was dealing with gay characters. Once My Brother Nikhil was ready, it suddenly struck us that the film had to be certified by the Central Board of Film Certification (CBFC). I could not let my family and friends down. I did not, as death would have meant accepting defeat and perhaps even guilt. Of how a publication made front-page headlines of an allegation that was not proven and drove me to the verge of ending my life. That is why I write this now, even though it is extremely painful to relive those days. There must be so many untold stories of violence and humiliation.
I realised then that if I faced this in spite of belonging to the privileged class, gay men and women from less privileged backgrounds and the trans community must be dealing with unspeakable horrors. The police understood that the allegations were fake and joked about the fact that someone so much physically stronger than me had made these allegations, but that didn’t stop them from humiliating me verbally for being gay. It was only because my associate Amar Kaushik was there by my side, giving me strength and support, that I did not crumble. I experienced something similar when I visited the police station to file a case against the guy who falsely accused me. The story is about how the gay character Jai, played by Rahul Bose, was humiliated by a cop because of his sexual identity. I shot Omar’s story as a part of I Am in 2009. Sometimes it feels uncanny how my films have shown things that I have experienced later.